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Separation at “appropriate” time is necessary for our growth. Since inception, we are constantly attaching, detaching and then reattaching again. This is how nature has designed us to be and grow.

A baby in the womb spends time growing up in a protected environment. At an appropriate time, the baby separates from the mother. The umbilical cord is cut. Now the child learns to adapt and grow in a new environment to become even bigger and stronger. In the new environment baby re-attaches with the mother at a different level.

Imagine what would happen if either the child or the mother refuses to accept the natural separation of the baby from the womb. The same womb that was nurturing for 9 month will becomes toxic after the due date, and both the mother and the child will die if they disallow this natural change to take place.

The good news is that our minds are trained to accept this reality of baby separating from the mother and thus we don’t resist this change. However, there are many other situations in life that are not so obvious and we resist separation in those circumstances. This resistance results in great damage to everyone involved.

I see many cases where a normal healthy adult child is living with the parents way into their adulthood. This is due to the fact that the parents are unwilling to emotionally let go of the child. Almost in all such cases, both parents and the child lead a very unhappy life.

Physical separation from the parents is a necessary part of growth for both parents and the child. Child will have a hard time becoming a responsible adult if they are living in the umbrella of the parent.

Even a few hundred years ago, it was normal to see children living with the parents for a long time.  Thankfully that trend has changed. Now we see fewer children living with their parents after they become adults. Children are taking up their responsibilities at an appropriate time in their development.

We still have a long ways to go in the area of emotional separation. We tend to carry the unhealthy emotional and belief patterns of our parents way into our adulthood.

It is natural and necessary for a growing child to pick up emotional patterns from the parents. This is how they learn to live and grow in a new world. We need a certain mental model of how the world works in order to survive the initial growth process. However, as we start to become adults we are meant to drop the patterns of our parents and pick the ones that truly belong to us.

To know where we end and others begins is a very important part of becoming an adult. We learn to own and claim our gifts, talents, likes, dislikes, responsibilities as we transition from a child into an adult. This process called the individuation process gets injured in many people resulting in a damaged adulthood.

Many times the most healthy thing to do is to separate from the parents (or even partners who are similar to our parents) both physically and emotionally so that both sides can grow into independent and stronger individuals who take up full responsibility for their lives.

Take this action in a loving way, knowing that we are all imperfect human beings. Be clear of the reason why you are taking this action. You are not doing it out of anger or as a punishment to the other person, but you are doing it for love and growth of everyone involved.

Accept that separation is a natural and normal part of human growth. Separation is a precursor to formation of a higher level of new connection.

Just like when we exercise, the muscle connections first break in order to form stronger connections later.

Please remember that separation is not an easy process. Done too early or too late are both harmful. It takes a lot of courage and wisdom to go through this process in a way that is beneficial for everyone. If I can be of any assistance to you in your growth, please let me know.

With Love,

Sanjay