As some of you know I went through divorce about 2 years ago. It was and still is an emotionally rough thing to go through.
I am slowing coming to a point where I am ready for the next relationship. I have been to various dating sites, the singles events etc, the usual strategies.
This afternoon while sitting in the beautiful sunshine in San Francisco, a realization came to me that brought to surface a deeply problematic emotional and psychological pattern that I would like to share with you.
Due to all the betrayals in my life (starting with my own mother), I almost took an oath of not getting hurt again. A deep decision of avoiding any and all forms of risk of getting hurt again.
On the other hand, my deepest desire is for a loving, caring and fulfilling relationship with a partner.
The awareness of this deep emotional risk aversion mindset is a big deal. Let me explain why this is so important and how it affects us at all levels of our being.
As a society we have been trained to believe in “self-reliance”. The idea of self-reliance has reached an epidemic level, especially in developed western societies, where almost everything can be accomplished individually. We can purchase every aspect of life: cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, investments, healthcare, traveling, friends, sex etc. We really don’t need anyone else to live a complete life. Money can buy anything. Except that pesky need called Love.
So, the mind says, Love is the only thing that is the problem in my life, why not get rid of this need itself. I can make more money so I can at least fulfill all other needs that I need for a happy life.
Wrong!!! We need love and we need human love. Human love cannot be substituted with other things. Friends, pets, food, alcohol, sex, drugs etc are all coping mechanisms so that we don’t have to be dependent on another human being and lose our independence.
The Universe did not design us to live with this self-reliant mindset. We are meant to be humble in nature. That is the only place where love and good things flow from. Total self reliance is opposite to humility and vulnerability. Self-reliance literally blocks the flow of life energy through us..
The biggest problem with the risk aversion mindset is the fact that we can block love coming into our system. There is a risk in accepting love, because now I am dependent on someone outside of my own self who can take the love away anytime they wish. We become vulnerable by accepting the love, so the risk aversion mindset says, it is better to stay away from love itself.
This is a dangerous situation. We cannot live without love. To fulfill this absolutely critical need, we need to get over our self-reliance mindset, come down on our knees in humility and become vulnerable to being hurt; stop looking for perfect people (whatever that means), and start to seek and give love.
Thanks to Hollywood, what is the first thing we look at in a potential partner: Looks. And here is something we completely make a mistake in: Love is not found in physical looks, it is found in the heart.
The more risk averse we are the more closed-hearted we become.
As a mass hypnosis we are walking around as perfect figurines, trying to find love. What a delusion? The price of this delusion is very heavy: From health epidemic to wars and mass violence within our own homes and countries.
The answer to this delusion is very simple. Become vulnerable, start to honestly accept our need for love and then seek love. This makes us humble and allows the Universe to connect us with the right people.
Also note that the risk aversion mindset is not limited to relationships. It spills into finances, career, and health as well. It affects all aspects of life. Risk aversion is a very problematic mindset. Risk aversion mindset can be equated to No Faith mindset. We all know the results of living a life without any faith.
“The more risk averse we are the more closed minded and closed hearted we become. Nothing comes in, nothing goes out.” – Sanjay Nimar
Open your mind, take some calculated risks, trust someone with your heart, have some faith and enjoy the mystery of life :).